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Why love hurts?

Writer's picture: Daniel ChechickDaniel Chechick

Updated: Apr 23, 2024


The concept of the Hedgehog’s Dilemma, popularized by Sigmund Freud and exemplified in Neon Genesis Evangelion, serves as a metaphor for the complexities of human intimacy. Traditionally, it symbolizes the struggle individuals face in dismantling their emotional barriers in relationships, encapsulated in the series’ quote: “The closer we become, the more deeply we hurt each other.”


However, Arthur Schopenhauer offers a unique perspective by critiquing societal etiquette, suggesting that these norms hinder genuine connection. This critique prompts reflection on the origins and purpose of social rules, potentially explaining why we struggle to form deep bonds.


Freud’s fascination with this dilemma leads to probing questions: Why do we recoil from those we love? What drives our fear of emotional pain? Why is seeking help so daunting for those grappling with anxiety and depression?


These inquiries reveal that the challenges of intimacy are deeply rooted in our collective human experience. They reflect the intricate dance of finding the right balance between closeness and vulnerability, shaped by centuries of social evolution.


But must intimacy always be intertwined with pain? In today’s world, characterized by increasing isolation and rising mental health struggles, this question gains urgency. Despite technological advancements, our relationships often feel fragile and insecure.


Yet, amidst these challenges, there’s hope. By understanding the historical, psychological, and societal factors at play, we can navigate intimacy more consciously. We can learn to dismantle the barriers that prevent genuine connection while honoring our need for emotional safety.


In doing so, we can strive towards relationships that are not only warm and fulfilling but also resilient in the face of adversity. While the Hedgehog’s Dilemma reminds us of the inherent risks of intimacy, it also beckons us to embrace vulnerability as the gateway to authentic human connection.


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